OPEN DOORS
AND WHERE WE FIND GOD
"A brief discussion of faith and personal testimony"
I was once very broken. Every single thing in my life was falling down around me. Everything. I was in the midst of a bitter divorce and all of the turmoil that surrounds that. I was in a dead end job. As I looked upward to my future, I couldn't see through the storm clouds. I looked to my past and saw how I was brought up in a loving home. A home. From where I was, I couldn't imagine having my own home. I made to much to qualify for help and not enough to break out of paying other people's mortgages via renting. Many times I had gotton it into my head that I could break out of this cycle. I applied for better paying positions only to have doors slammed in my face. In the rare opportunity that I was given an interview I was promptly told that without a degree, I was not qualified.
So there I found myself, newly married, a young baby and no hope for a future outside of the struggle I have already known. The storm grew more fierce when the marriage fell apart. What little I had, was now taken away, for the most part. Doors were shut as promising careers ended. Although I had friends and family willing to support me, I was too consumed by my situation to notice. For several years, I was torn between emotions of clinging to the things I knew and was used to. Many reconciliations and breaks occurred during that time. This did not improve a thing for me. The only product of this clinging to the past was the creation of a rift between friends and family.
What happened next was a revelation. I turned my life over to Jesus Christ. Things did not instantly get better. I didn't expect them to. What I did do was start to change the way I lived. Day by day I learned to release the grip I had on my past and start seeking the right thing to do. I finally started to repair the connections with family. My mother, who was a strong Christian woman, taught me in all things to pray. Pray without cease. Enter into daily conversations with God. Although you may feel insignificant, God can be everywhere at once, and is more than available to chat. The journey has never been without bumps. It has never been without sadness.
Fast forward eight years. Today, I sat in my home office. Yes, I said it. My home office and re-read an email I sent to my mother and her response. The email was from two weeks before she was killed in a car accident. Even then I questioned God's plan. I was being faithful and waiting, but still was concerned that so many things were out of reach. I was being stretched thin working Full time nights and going to school full time. Often times being up for 25-26 straight hours trying to get through my final two semesters and still worried how I'd ever find a career that would allow me to to find a home with my new wife. I had recently applied to a position that I thought would bring that all into fruition. I was not given the position.
Even at that time, I still would cling to some of the past. To disappointment and let downs. From that moment on, I have totally abandoned that clinging.
Between that November 11, 2007 email and today, I have seen many doors shut. Many hopes vanish and many clouds. Through these times, I turned to God for answers and remained fully able to give over my worries, my hopes and my desires to Him.
Flash to only two years in the future, today. As I write this, I am overwhelmed with prayers of thanksgiving. Every single thing that had been taken from me, has been restored to me in abundance. The most important thing that I have gained was the ability to look back on all those storms and see the role they played.
What doors God has shut, no man can open. and What doors God has opened, no man can shut!
I leave you with this thought: Remember that even when the storms of life surround you, God is with you, He is waiting for you to ask for help.
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