1. Entering your account information on the phone, is nothing more than an excersise in futility; after you wait on hold for another 45 minutes, a call center person will ask you for it again.
2. When someone asks if they can ask you something “off the record”, say no.
3. Gummy Bears when microwaved, DO NOT become “Gummy Bear Juice.”
4. A shot glass filled with Gummy Bears after being subjected to 350 degree microwave heat WILL explode when immediately quenched with 50 degree cold water from the sink.
5. A fart is nothing more than a turd in sheep’s clothing. Believe.
6. Call center personnel really don’t give a shit how you feel, ever.
7. If you decide to fall down the steps of a 250 year old barn, try not to be impaled on the rusty nails that penetrate the inside walls from retaining the shingles on the opposite side of said barn.
8. A toy machine gun, while made of plastic, can smash a living room window.
9. Some people need a disclaimer like “Hot coffee burns” on their coffee cups. Once upon a time, silver spray paint didn’t have a warning such as “Point nozzle away from face before spraying.”
~Junk
I have learned these truths to be self evident. .."I shot you jim!...I shot you...SMASH!!!"