Talkback with Junk Infinite insights into the cavernous world of Chunk’s Garage & Life in general.

Sometimes the winds of change blow in. Today was that day. Unfortunately for my nine year old son, Shawn, that day was today. Soon he would find out that his dear father had turned to the dark side of the force. I am by all rights, a card carrying member of the GCU(Good Cop Union). When strife and conflict occur, I am the one to step in and show mercy.

Today was a different day. On my way up the stairs I decided to enter Shawn's room. I do remember daily asking the wee lad if he had a clean room. I remember being specific too. ...
Nothing is laying in bags , or thrown into cabinets and stuffed into holes, right? The answer was never "No". It was "yup" or "lemme check". In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that the duration of the "lemme checks" couldn't have been more than five minutes. As you can see by my snapshots above, It took me at least 20 minutes to fish legos and papers, crayons and gi joes from every hole and crevice in that room. I took a page from my mother's playbook. All the booty was placed on the bed in order to bring attention to what needed to be cleaned. I found papers and trinkits that could never have accidently found their way undernieth and behind his headboard. His bed is brand new and frankly beautiful. It has a cool headboard with built-in book case. I found books under the covers, on the floor behind his bed and in his closet. The books that made it to the book shelf looked like someone shot them out of a bazooka at the bookcase.

It was at this moment that I hatched the plan. He would never expect this in a million years. I spoke of my plans to the BCU(Bad Cop Union) leader, Alicia(My wife) over lunch later in the day. The plan was that I would set my macbook up on the headboard of Shawn's bed. I would aim the iSite camera at the doorway, careful to frame a partial of the mountain of "clean room" in the shot. I then hit broadcast and away it was to ustream.tv.(I love this stuff!!!)

**Side Note. I mean really, 5 years ago, who could have imagined that I would be able to capture this stuff live with FiOS and a Macbook. *** End of Side Note.

So Alicia and I sat in my home office in front of my Windows 7 desktop and had the feed up on one monitor and Facebook on the other. The tension was incredible. When Shawn arrived home from school, he was smiley as always. he even was bold and commented about the aroma of Mom's delicious chilli, which was warming on the stove. I asked Shawn to put down his backpack because I had a surprise for him. I had left a surprise for him in his room. He had to try and guess what it was first. He smiled and guessed a skateboard rack(side note. the stinkin skateboard was under the rubble on his bed, too! funny how it had a nice little home in the pool shed.) I told him, "Good guess, but it's much bigger!" After hearing this I could see him leaping for joy inside. He must have been thinking wow golly, I can't believe this. I have lied my tail off about everything, brought terrible grades home from school and I get a huge surprise!?

I told him that there were rules. He could go up and see, but not touch. Then he had to come down stairs and write on two index cards, what he thought of the surprise and how he felt. The following is a link to the video You may want to skip to approx. 13:20 in the video :



If the video doesn't render properly, check it out at http://www.ustream.tv/lolconcepts

Below you will find the index cards

Above is a diagram of a healthy inner ear. I can only conclude that after spending every weekday sitting at the kitchen table across from my 4th grade son that at this age, damage to the inner ear occurs.

My theory stems from the content of the conversation that appears Matrix-esque, dotted with de ja vu. Each interaction with the boy goes like this;

Parent: "So what's this i see in your bag?"
Boy: "I don't know."
Parent: "I thought you didn't have spelling words."
Boy: "I didnt have time to write them down." sniff sniff
Parent: "Oh and look at this, there is even a need little ink stamp that says "FOLLOW DIRECTIONS"
Boy: sniff sniff
Parent: "...and look at this word...you misspelled it three different ways."
Boy: "I thought it was right"
Parent: "The word is in the question you were answering."
Boy: "I didn't see it"
Parent: "Is this your best handwriting?"
Boy: "No"
Parent: "Why did you do it then?"
Boy:"I don't know"
Parent:"What kind of answer is,"I thought it was good, because she wanted to do it after they all went over to that place."
Boy"I don't know"
Parent:"Did you even read this?"
Boy:"Yes"
Parent:"Go to your room and think about this"

After being lied to time and time again and the boy forgetting something that was explained to him just moments ago, leads to one conclusion...inner ear damage or the need for a surgically installed helmet.

EOT

Have you ever wondered why you even bother going through the motions of receiving a paycheck?

I too often wonder why. I mean lets consider. You slave through work in order to receive said paycheck. You get to temporarily see the check, or perhaps even hold it in your hand. No No, don't go getting carried away, because then you must go to that little bill basket that is holding the wall up in the front room. Soon you discover that all that money you thought you had, is purely a dream.

Sure, you may say that I am "squeeming" just a tad too loud. You may be right. after-all, I do have a nice home, with nice things, food on the table and cars in the driveway. All this costs. As does the monthly educational installments that are scheduled to conclude 6 months before the house is paid off.

Looks like there needs to be another blog posting about the cost of higher education in this country.

-gluTTon