Talkback with Junk Infinite insights into the cavernous world of Chunk’s Garage & Life in general.

Forgot Your Lunch Again?

Yes my friends, I suffer from this. I have come to the realization. It is futile to remember, it will "fall off your chip™" We guys have so much to remember, passwords, skills, commands, programming languages....Unfortunately some things have a lower priority on the chip, such as verbal commands, from high decibel sources, and our lunches.

Scientists are now discovering more about the "chip™". They are realizing that synaptic birth is finite and once your limit has been reached, you simply must purge. Empty the recycle bin, or do as most of us do. Impliment a tuning policy to discard certain information before it makes it to the cerebral cortex. So there it is my friends...Its not the end of the world, you forgot your lunch!

It may appear to start harmlessly enough. When that cool 80's song comes on the radio, you may feel your leg start to twitch. This is all normal for ordinary people. It is not normal to start full on spastics once the riff hits, however. When you hear that song on the radio and your natural animalistic tendency is to seek out the closest human smaller than yourself and inflict bodily harm and annoyances, then my friend you need help.

When you find it necessary to call family and friends on their mobile devices and when they don't answer, leave messages claiming that you are from some established credible organization.... You need to seek treatment. This is especially evident when after a soft tone in your conversation you spike the decibels up to ear bleeding with such buzz words as "HAAAA!"

If any of the above scenarios seem all too familiar, I urge you to do the right thing. Clear your mind of all false hopes that you will make Gummy Bear Juice from Gummy Bears (Even Black Forrest Ones) in a shot glass. Abandon hope of creating chocolate sauce from morsals....It will only succeed in ruining a good measuring cup. If you were to purchase a HAA Click Oink Snapp Woo Hoo, do not tell your mother about it. This scar leaves a lasting mark.

...Lastly I must tell you , if you have the urge to handcuff younger sibling's hands behind there backs and push them face first into the lawn or even out of the blue knee your own father in the jewels, you need to do society a 'solid' and check into the local shrinks couch for a few one-on-ones.

P.S.
Don't mention that you hear voices in you head, some people actually answer yes to that one.



HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Hey, lets face it....There is a reason that she is the "EX". For me the reason was that she was a liar a cheat and a thief. Hmmm, can you get any worse?

I suppose if you add in the fact that she is self-centered and hasnt matured past the ripe age on 17. I mean come one, grow up. If you find the need to make a spectacle of a serious conversation to everyone around you just to feel like your the grownup, you my friend are an epic fail.

Sometimes as the sane, mature one, you have to step back and realize that they are fighting against the unstoppable hands of a ticking clock and it makes them angry. Angry with you for hopefully moving on and having a vision for a future, and also angry with herself for relying on the ever dwindling free money train (FMT). Face it little lady. One spring day you will have to wake up. Like the rest of us, get dressed and go to a job. Yup.. a REAL job, which expects you to follow directions, do what your told and report on time when you are scheduled to be there. A good portion of your money will go to pay your own health insurance and to pay taxes. Oh...i'm sorry, you actually are supposed to pay taxes on money that you get, not just get free money and refunds on the non-existant taxes that you have paid. You will go to the mailbox and open up the bills from the utilities, car, electricity and water. These people will expect you to pay them with what you have left over after the insurance and taxes are taken out. You will go to the grocery store and the gas station and be expected to somehow find the money with what's left after the bills to put gas in your car and food on the table.
So you see. this is not so easy when you have to earn money for yourself. This my little friend will be hard for you to swallow, yes it will be for the first time in your life, hard. You'll probably have to work a nasty, unpleasant overnight shift as well as another parttime job. I feel sorry for you, but that very same instant will be the one in which I begin my life. You see, these 18 years I have learned what work is. What it really takes to sacrifice. I have expanded my skills, obtained a college education and life experience, which you are just now going to learn. I have learned to make due with what I had left, and plan on enjoying so much more happiness not having to struggle so much in these years to come.
You see, you have had your opportunity. The opportunity to rise to maturity, to work with me and to really excel. Instead you have chosen to rely on someone else, squander opportunity and snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory. For you, I am truly sorry. I have tried everything I could to work with you, but you have thought only about yourself.

Lesson:

"There are no do-overs in life, set grudges and disagreements aside and take opportunies where they are."

-BB

If you think that ppl change your kidding yourself. If you got involved with someone under the false hope of changing them, then your just gullible or worse, a raving idiot. In my personal experience, this is a false hope for many out there. Whether its' a friend a spouse or even a bf/gf.

It's truly sad that we must submit to this notion of unchanging, but lets face it. This person has probably had these same bad habits and quirks for many many years. Dont think that you'll change them. Geesh, maybe they dont agree that there is a problem, houston. Maybe they recognize the malfunction and refuse to change.

My advise is, dont think that you can change someone. It never works. If you are a glutton for punishment then be my guest and keep on keeping on. Try your little heart out, but in the end you will come crwling back to this post and recognize this for what it is.

THE PLAIN TRUTH.
BB

Ever notice that bums are very clever in that they will slowly ease themselves into your life without you realizing they are a parasitic soul-sucker? They start off harmless enough in appearance, they may have even helped you by watching your pets while you went on vacation, or cut your lawn. Shit, they may have even brought a 12-pack of beer over to your house and left a can behind as a show of their selflessness. But that’s how they get in. Now once they are in, they embed themselves like a tick, and slowly suck your life force away like a 3rd world case of high pressure diarrhea.

These people count on our good upbringing and polite demeanor to keep them from hitting the curb in the ass over teakettle hip toss that they really deserve. These oxygen to CO2 conversion plants are so great in number, that you yourself have undoubtedly fallen victim to them.

Here are some warning signs for you to watch for:

1. You are cooking food and they somehow smell your cooking 2 towns away and show up uninvited.
2. They throw a log thru your antique gas pump out of anger because you ran out of food; a week later they come back feeling you have had ample time to “get over it”. (see W/S #1)
3. After a cookout and they have already show up uninvited and eaten enough for 4 guests, they come back with Tupperware to take back some “leftovers”. When you tell them that you have nothing more for them, they chuck the Tupperware over the fence into your neighbors yard (that has a job) and stomp off cursing you.
4. Their parents don’t want them hanging out at their house (after the kids are over 40, I tend to support that feeling) so they come over to your house to waste time since their “asshole parents” wouldn’t let them keep a tree fort. At which time they borrow your stuff, break it or never return it. They drink your beer, eat your food, stay too long and alienate your normal friends that actually have jobs, common sense, and personal property worth over $25. These types are the black knights of leeching. Politely obtain a restraining order.

I hope this helps. I need a cold compress from the pain of sharing.

-Junk

1. Entering your account information on the phone, is nothing more than an excersise in futility; after you wait on hold for another 45 minutes, a call center person will ask you for it again.



2. When someone asks if they can ask you something “off the record”, say no.



3. Gummy Bears when microwaved, DO NOT become “Gummy Bear Juice.”



4. A shot glass filled with Gummy Bears after being subjected to 350 degree microwave heat WILL explode when immediately quenched with 50 degree cold water from the sink.



5. A fart is nothing more than a turd in sheep’s clothing. Believe.



6. Call center personnel really don’t give a shit how you feel, ever.



7. If you decide to fall down the steps of a 250 year old barn, try not to be impaled on the rusty nails that penetrate the inside walls from retaining the shingles on the opposite side of said barn.



8. A toy machine gun, while made of plastic, can smash a living room window.



9. Some people need a disclaimer like “Hot coffee burns” on their coffee cups. Once upon a time, silver spray paint didn’t have a warning such as “Point nozzle away from face before spraying.”



~Junk

Let’s touch on unpleasant things that we’d rather keep to ourselves. For the sake of healing, sometimes we simply need to take a deep breath, clench our teeth and toss the 50 pound sack of putrid shit on the table and deal with what comes out when you loosen the draw string.

One double edged sword is that of the ex wife. It’s good that they are your ex, and not your current spouse……….agreed. But the flip side is that they are your ex and may still to some degree have to interface with you…..ouch. You just want the ride to stop so you can get off and take a nice cleansing vomit for yourself and gather your thoughts….or suppress them.

One thing I was taught in my ethics class was about how some folks will commit heinous acts and then come to the realization that what they did just wasn’t cool. This realization is but a 1/100000000 of a second worth of thought. The next chunk of time is spent coming up with an alternate reality to justify said act so the individual can look at themselves in the mirror every day without sensing the immediate need to slit their wrists for the good of mankind.

Before I ramble, I’ll leave you with this: When the ex decides to bang your best friend, drain your bank account, sells everything you own, steals your kids AND THEN treats you like you are the root cause of the world’s problems and gets a judge to hammer the bung out of the bottom of you; don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. Don’t blame yourself, don’t hire a contract killer, just know that in the end, they will account for what they did. Just like you and I will have to account for what we have done. Vengeance ain’t yours home skillet. As much as we want it to be, it ain’t ours; believe that.

Chances are, your ex wife will make someone else a nice ex wife one day too. Then you will have someone else to have something in common with. You may even be able to counsel him and make him(and yourself) feel better.

Given the choice, I’ll take the sloppy shart in public, during a meeting, wearing white pants with no drawers underneath. I’m sure you’ll agree.

Sharing complete, I’m out.

~Junk